I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
