Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize