I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
