he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
