can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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