R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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