what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
