My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
