Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
