The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
