He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
