bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize