i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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