Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
