Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
this will be a night to untag.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.