I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"