STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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