and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.