She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.