I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Oh god it's open bar.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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