I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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