i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
