is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
