You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
