So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This house was built for laser tag.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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