I feel like abortions should bother me more
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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