omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
