apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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