he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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