It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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