I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
