What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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