That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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