I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
