People with herpes should wear stickers.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
