i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
