They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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