Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
