i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
