if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
