No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize