He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
