haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
