i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
