I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
