Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
