I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
