If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
