the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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