You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
