what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
