That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
