at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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