school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
