Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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