This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
