do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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