Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
