3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
