I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
