Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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