i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
