just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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