so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it glows. i had to have it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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