my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
